i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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