I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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