suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize