I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
