You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
