What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
