Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
