so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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