I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
