Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
