Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
