They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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