Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I need a burrito and a hug.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
