you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
