shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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