I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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