Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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