I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
