I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
