Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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