it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You took a bar mat shot.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
