Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I can't turn off my feet"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
