Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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