i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
