Where did you get a picture of my penis
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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