Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
