I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
