How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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