I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
