They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
