Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
