Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
