This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
