Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
did you just send me my own nude
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
