i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
