i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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