i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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