She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
