was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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