Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
