In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
