Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
