but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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