how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
