I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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