this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
