Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
