Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
