Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
