textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize