All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
