i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
