I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
