he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I love you. Go after that dick
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
