I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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