Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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