thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
4 words: hood of his car
accomplished twins. life is a go
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
