No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
