Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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