if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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