hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
