Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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