NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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