I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
