before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
