I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
