It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Randomize
