How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize