just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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