I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
