Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
A bitchslap is in order.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
