I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
they need to just BURY HIM!
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
