dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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