Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
