I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
