You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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