you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
