dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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