i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
