I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
well you can't waste a boner
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
