i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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