Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
