Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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