It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
