i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
