Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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