There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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