Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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