Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize