I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
