lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
