Your mouth is God's brothel.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
