HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
