Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
