Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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