Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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