Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
