How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
