Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Randomize
