Just fell off a train. Bad.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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