I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
farters have to be the big spoon...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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