I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
