He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
