I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
