This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
