please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If I die, sorry about rent.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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