I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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