so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize