He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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