Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
