9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
