he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
