im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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