I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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