I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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