you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
