just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
