direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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