I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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