i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
we're making bets on your personal life
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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