How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
